Move kero data to text file

Author: linuxdaemon

data/kero.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,43 @@
+PRIUS JIMMY BUFFET!!!
+DISNEY APPLE BEARDS, FUCK COFFEE!
+FUCK THINGS THAT ARE GOOD AND NICE!
+RED ZONE SCHMED ZONE!
+i DONT USE APPLE CPMPUTERS!!!!
+???!??!?  YOU CLEARLY DONT LISTEN!
+WHY ARE PEOPLE CALLING ME A NERD I WAS ON THE iPHONE AND DONT GET IT!!!!
+OH MAN FUCK BEARDS!
+I AM GOING DOWN THE HALL TO A MEETING UNDER MY OWN POWER RIGHT NOW!!!
+NOT A VEGETABLE!!!!!!!
+i think thats a vulva euphemism, PW.
+THEY START SHOVING CAKES IN EACH OTHERS FACES LIKE ITS A MANATEE WEDDING HOLY SHIT!
+I DONT MAKE THE NEWS I JUST REPORT IT!
+HURR DURR YOU ARE OLD WITH PRINTED PAGES
+pants on head mouthbreather.
+HELLO I AM BACK WHAT IS NEW?
+YOU ARE A HORRIBLE DEAD FAN!
+i try not to be racist, but seriously.  there's a mexican guy in our neighborhood.  on the 4th like 40 people in his family came over and shot off fireworks and they sat in lawn chairs in the front yard.
+there's an old asian woman in our neighborhood who hides in her house and walks 10 feet  behind her husband and is a bad driver.
+HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO BE RACIST WITH THAT OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE EXACTLY!?!?
+???? WTF IS
+NO I NEVER THINK THAT I AM VERY HAPPY
+HORSES CANT TALK IDIOTS
+I WENT TO ZERO STRIP CLUBS AND HAD ZERO STREET BEER
+I FUCKING WRITE CURRICULUM ON HOW TO SELL AND NETWORK AND RUN A BUSINESS ALL FUCKING DAY LONG
+you gentlemen are hilarious.  theres certainly nothing in what you're doing that could be considered "ball busting" or "trolling."
+YOU CAN EMAIL FROM YOUR PHONE? MAGIC MAN FROM THE FUTURE, DO THEY HAVE RUBBER VAGINAS MEN CAN PUT THEIR DICKS INTO AS WELL?
+really who the fuck cares who the third president was?
+why dont you just bore your candidat to tears with talk about subarus and guns and talk about the recruiters that have been calling *you*? Itll be just like irc.
+DONT TAKE AWAY MY FUN.
+I may beat off on the notes afterward because that turns me on, DONT JUDGE ME ITS NORMAL.
+wtf is a homeless guyy gonna do with a speaker SURE WOULD LIKE TO EAT BUT AT LEAST I HAVE MY KOOL JAMZ
+thanks for overexplaining that one
+Really.  I say ejaculating on pictures is weird and somehow that translates to OMG WAT A PRUDE
+Had someone ejaculate on a picture of me.  Gotta try it once.
+apparently theres a thing where people ejaculate on pictures i bet you could monetize that.
+'Hey you can talk to this chick and maybe get laid or cum on a picture,' only complete social retards pick the latter.
+Hahaha those weirdos with tentacle porn excuse me I need to whack it on a picture and put it on the Internet.
+enjoy your penis salad sandwich
+im pretty sure ive never said 'OH MY GOODNESS LOOK AT HIS PENIS I WISH I HAD THAT PENIS' then went searching for it to show someone else 24 hours later because i couldn't stop thinking about teddy bridgewater's beautiful penis <3
+i don't think "we" have ever "talked a lot of dick."
+OMG DID YOU SEE THE BALLS TOO?
+be as weird as you want. i dont understand why its so cool now to go "OOOO THATS JUST WHO HE IS DONT JUDGE." if you like to have your balls hit with a hammer while you ejaculate onto pictures of horses i think you should be called fucking weird.

plugins/jokes.py

@@ -11,7 +11,7 @@ def load_jokes(bot):
     """
     :type bot: cloudbot.bot.Cloudbot
     """
-    global yo_momma, do_it, pun, confucious, one_liner, wisdom, book_puns, lawyerjoke
+    global yo_momma, do_it, pun, confucious, one_liner, wisdom, book_puns, lawyerjoke, kero_sayings
 
     with codecs.open(os.path.join(bot.data_dir, "yo_momma.txt"), encoding="utf-8") as f:
         yo_momma = [line.strip() for line in f.readlines() if not line.startswith("//")]
@@ -37,6 +37,9 @@ def load_jokes(bot):
     with codecs.open(os.path.join(bot.data_dir, "lawyerjoke.txt"), encoding="utf-8") as f:
         lawyerjoke = [line.strip() for line in f.readlines() if not line.startswith("//")]
 
+    with codecs.open(os.path.join(bot.data_dir, "kero.txt"), encoding="utf-8") as f:
+        kero_sayings = [line.strip() for line in f.readlines() if not line.startswith("//")]
+
 
 @hook.command()
 def yomomma(text):
@@ -122,40 +125,7 @@ def triforce(message):
 @hook.command("kero", "kerowhack")
 def kero(text):
     """Returns the text input the way kerouac5 would say it."""
-    saying = [
-        "PRIUS JIMMY BUFFET!!!", "DISNEY APPLE BEARDS, FUCK COFFEE!", "FUCK THINGS THAT ARE GOOD AND NICE!",
-        "RED ZONE SCHMED ZONE!", "i DONT USE APPLE CPMPUTERS!!!!", "???!??!?  YOU CLEARLY DONT LISTEN!",
-        "WHY ARE PEOPLE CALLING ME A NERD I WAS ON THE iPHONE AND DONT GET IT!!!!", "OH MAN FUCK BEARDS!",
-        "I AM GOING DOWN THE HALL TO A MEETING UNDER MY OWN POWER RIGHT NOW!!!", "NOT A VEGETABLE!!!!!!!",
-        "i think thats a vulva euphemism, PW.",
-        "THEY START SHOVING CAKES IN EACH OTHERS FACES LIKE ITS A MANATEE WEDDING HOLY SHIT!",
-        "I DONT MAKE THE NEWS I JUST REPORT IT!", "HURR DURR YOU ARE OLD WITH PRINTED PAGES",
-        "pants on head mouthbreather.", "HELLO I AM BACK WHAT IS NEW?", "YOU ARE A HORRIBLE DEAD FAN!",
-        "i try not to be racist, but seriously.  there's a mexican guy in our neighborhood.  on the 4th like 40 people in his family came over and shot off fireworks and they sat in lawn chairs in the front yard.",
-        "there's an old asian woman in our neighborhood who hides in her house and walks 10 feet  behind her husband and is a bad driver.",
-        "HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO BE RACIST WITH THAT OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE EXACTLY!?!?", "???? WTF IS",
-        "NO I NEVER THINK THAT I AM VERY HAPPY", "HORSES CANT TALK IDIOTS",
-        "I WENT TO ZERO STRIP CLUBS AND HAD ZERO STREET BEER",
-        "I FUCKING WRITE CURRICULUM ON HOW TO SELL AND NETWORK AND RUN A BUSINESS ALL FUCKING DAY LONG",
-        "you gentlemen are hilarious.  theres certainly nothing in what you're doing that could be considered \"ball busting\" or \"trolling.\"",
-        "YOU CAN EMAIL FROM YOUR PHONE? MAGIC MAN FROM THE FUTURE, DO THEY HAVE RUBBER VAGINAS MEN CAN PUT THEIR DICKS INTO AS WELL?",
-        "really who the fuck cares who the third president was?",
-        "why dont you just bore your candidat to tears with talk about subarus and guns and talk about the recruiters that have been calling *you*? Itll be just like irc.",
-        "DONT TAKE AWAY MY FUN.",
-        "I may beat off on the notes afterward because that turns me on, DONT JUDGE ME ITS NORMAL.",
-        "wtf is a homeless guyy gonna do with a speaker SURE WOULD LIKE TO EAT BUT AT LEAST I HAVE MY KOOL JAMZ",
-        "thanks for overexplaining that one",
-        "Really.  I say ejaculating on pictures is weird and somehow that translates to OMG WAT A PRUDE",
-        "Had someone ejaculate on a picture of me.  Gotta try it once.",
-        "apparently theres a thing where people ejaculate on pictures i bet you could monetize that.",
-        "'Hey you can talk to this chick and maybe get laid or cum on a picture,' only complete social retards pick the latter.",
-        "Hahaha those weirdos with tentacle porn excuse me I need to whack it on a picture and put it on the Internet.",
-        "enjoy your penis salad sandwich",
-        "im pretty sure ive never said 'OH MY GOODNESS LOOK AT HIS PENIS I WISH I HAD THAT PENIS' then went searching for it to show someone else 24 hours later because i couldn't stop thinking about teddy bridgewater's beautiful penis <3",
-        "i don't think \"we\" have ever \"talked a lot of dick.\"", "OMG DID YOU SEE THE BALLS TOO?",
-        "be as weird as you want. i dont understand why its so cool now to go \"OOOO THATS JUST WHO HE IS DONT JUDGE.\" if you like to have your balls hit with a hammer while you ejaculate onto pictures of horses i think you should be called fucking weird."
-    ]
-    keror = random.choice(saying).upper()
+    keror = random.choice(kero_sayings).upper()
     if keror == "???? WTF IS":
         out = keror + " " + text.upper()
     else: